Brick wall jump
When I announced I’ve decided to study pharmacy, one of my uncles asked if that meant I wanted to be a sales assistant. You can do that even without a degree, you know — he said. I explained I actually wanted to be a scientist and discover new drugs. He said I needed to be a medical doctor if I wanted to do this. Like him, a successful surgeon. Like his wife, a selfless anaesthesiologist. Like my other aunt, a caring oncologist. Like my older cousin, a medical student and aspiring dermatologist. Like my mom, a well respected professor and vice dean.
You’ll be a glorified sales assistant, he said.
And what’s wrong with that, I asked.
It was April 2008 and we were celebrating my 18th birthday.
Needless to say, the whole family was disappointed when I decided to pursue my dream. Nobody took me seriously. They would ask if the studies are going well, but it was a formality. Ongoing jokes at family gatherings were countless.
Ironically, the first serious boyfriend I had was a medical student. His mom was a professor and a pathologist. I’ll never forget when she said that studying pharmacy was a good choice for a woman. She liked me, I was everything she wanted for her son: quiet, cute, always wearing a smile and not standing up for myself.
After the inevitable disaster with the future doctor, my mom decided she will introduce me to her colleague’s son who was in her eyes just a perfect match for me. I completely disagreed from the moment he said his name, but what followed was even worse. You know you need to be a medical doctor if you want to work in clinical research, he said. His advice might have been well intended, but that was the last time I saw him.
Five years after the sales assistant “joke”, I was packing my MPharm degree in an already full suitcase. I got an exciting opportunity to do a 6 month internship at Charité’s clinical research site in Berlin. With two bags, a laptop and 800 euros in my pocket, I moved from my comfy life in Belgrade to Germany’s capital. I didn’t speak a single word of German, I didn’t have a single friend there and I knew nothing about clinical trials. Except that it took me one step closer to being a scientist, as initially planned.
After landing at the Tegel airport, I discovered I was tricked — the flat I thought I rented didn’t exist and my money was stolen. It was 9pm on a Saturday, in a new city. I was completely alone.
But, I knew brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things, as Randy Pausch wonderfully said. Every bone in my body wanted to go back to the airport and get a return ticket home. But I found another way.
Six months turned into (potentially) forever. My supervisor suggested I do a doctoral thesis — he would help me define the research question and I should be able to obtain a scholarship and a residence permit. We were in a time crunch and in order to complete everything as planned, I had to submit the proposal by mid-January. That meant I worked in an empty office all through Christmas holidays. I still remember the Ed Sheeran soundtrack mixed with liters of french press coffee I drank and a huge Christmas sweater I wore. My proposal was to do a sub-analysis of a clinical trial my supervisor initiated.
By mid-March of the following year, my proposal was approved, as well as my scholarship. Great job, you’ll go far, my supervisor said.
You can also start studying medicine in parallel, it will be easier to achieve your dreams with a medical degree, he added.
Once my thesis was almost ready to be submitted, I wanted to get even closer to drug development and clinical research. I loved our research group and academia, but it wasn’t in line with what I really wanted to do. The new goal was to get a job in the pharmaceutical industry. My German had improved by that time, but was still far from perfect, which limited my chances of getting a job at a big pharma company. Rejection after rejection after rejection… I kept telling myself that brick walls were there for a reason, but I wasn’t sure I believed in it anymore. I was tired.
I got a chance at a small biotech that consisted of 10 employees in total. They had one compound and an ongoing phase IIa study. It’s a clinical trial assistant job, but you’ll get exposure to a lot of drug development aspects, they said. I had nothing to lose.
Next two years are a blur. I worked all day, wrote my thesis at night. I was learning a lot, but my energy levels were incredibly low. Both my partner and I needed a change and started talking about moving to another country. After rounds of new rejections and brick walls, he got a job offer in London. Nothing in my inbox though. I was happy for him, but scared because it meant I had to find a job really soon. I sent my CV to countless ads but very few replies came back. One of the responses was from a top pharma company: a clinical research scientist role in early phase studies. They were aware I was in Berlin and offered a Skype interview (before it was cool), but I said I was actually coming to London for another reason so we could meet in person. As soon as we hung up, I bought a plane ticket and booked a hotel. I wasn’t leaving it to chance.
My educational background, experience and personality were perceived as a great fit and I was offered a job.
It was April 2018, exactly 10 years after the sales assistant joke was cracked.
Dreams usually don’t come true in a very linear way. Almost always, you have to slow down, listen carefully and be prepared to take every chance you’re offered. It may sound cheesy, but luck really is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.
