Finding happiness and meaning in life (and other myths)

Looking back to all of my fondest memories, I realised none of them would be classified as moments from what would be considered a happy life.

Photo by Matt Duncan on Unsplash

The most extreme example I can think of was during the 1999 bombing of Serbia, where I lived at the time. I was 9 years old and if you asked my peers and me, most of us would agree those three months were in a way amazing. Let me be clear, they absolutely weren’t, but as kids, we found ways to be happy. We played all day long (war = no school), we danced to Macarena in the streets and watched EuroBasket while eating pljeskavica (our team came in third). Every single one of us was aware that things are really, really bad. We would see our parents concerned, we heard the news and the daily death-count. But in the insanity of the war, we found happiness.

If happiness was a lottery, as some researchers suggest, I might have lucked out. In a book that came highly recommended on this topic, The Happiness Hypothesis, the author explains that there are two types of people: those who are wired to be happy and those who aren’t. So, regardless of what happens to you, if you’re a naturally happy person, you’ll adapt and find a way to happiness. Even if it rains for 10 days straight. Or you lose your house.

Good news is that even if you’re not a happy person by nature, there are ways to rewire your brain, through medication, meditation and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). We often hear that antidepressants are overprescribed, but I agree with the researchers who contradict this. If you won the happiness lottery, it will be difficult for you to understand why some people need them. At the same time, I firmly believe that pharmaceutical research needs to do better and be bolder in exploring new medications — although the conventional antidepressants help many, there’s still a lot of people who don’t benefit from them.

What doesn’t help anyone’s search for happiness are articles and images of different ways to find meaning in life. We get overwhelmed by them while trying to process it all into goals we set for ourselves, such as writing a book, becoming a CEO or, on a humbler level, managing to do a certain yoga pose. We look for ways to get from point A to point B, very often forgetting to ‘enjoy the ride’, despite all the songs and films which remind us that this is actually the fun part.

I’m not here to tell you not to have goals and dreams. Push yourself and have high expectations. Don’t miss your chances. But don’t forget that life often won’t consult you about what happens next, so if you don’t enjoy and love your life today — tomorrow might not be an option. It’s not easy achieving or maintaining this balance, but I believe it’s a much more meaningful goal to pursue than just ticking the boxes of your competitive to do list, while constantly battling stress.

Things that help me (not to be confused with advice)

I’m a happy person and enjoying life is very high on my priority list. At the same time, I have ambitious professional and life goals, which often get in the way of my hedonism. That’s why maintaining the balance I advocate for doesn’t come naturally. This is what I do instead of giving up:

Difficult things I don’t like (but bring me joy in the long run) — once/twice weekly

• Cleaning (house, dishes, car…). Make-it-easier tip: music!
• Running (I hate it so much, I wrote a whole article about it).
• Shopping (groceries, clothes — all the same to me, all boring).
• Work (on difficult days; a lot of meetings and decisions to be made).

Difficult things I like (and make me happy easily) — 3-5 days/week

• Volunteering. It takes a lot of my time, but it helps me build skills I need and it led me to meet some pretty impressive people I get to call my friends now.
• Learning a new choreography. Dancing is a bit more difficult in the COVID world, but I found an amazing online class that brought a very supportive group of people to my life.
• Yoga. I started this year only, but it’s here to stay in my life.
• Writing. I’m not very good at it, but it helps clear my thoughts.
• Work (on good days; a lot of meetings and decisions to be made).

Easy things I really enjoy (“happy moments”) — as much as I can

• A long walk while listening to good music or a funny podcast.
• Reading.
• A good film.
• Cooking. Especially if it’s Slavic food. And then eating, of course.
• Coffee date (with myself, friends or my partner).
• Dancing.
• Daydreaming.