Lessons learned from living with health anxiety
It’s definitely not fun living with health anxiety and working in the pharma industry, in oncology drug development. Still, I have to say I wouldn’t change it for the world because I love my job and working on projects that actually change people’s lives.
If you asked my high school friends, they would tell you that my health anxiety started when I was around 15 years old. We learned about multiple sclerosis in a biology class and I asked one of my friends if she also thinks that I have all the symptoms. Later I learned that this particular behavior is not uncommon and is something people suffering from health anxiety do quite a lot. I do it quite a lot.
With age, I learned to control it better, without a lot of effort. In the pre-COVID world, I was always busy — at work, with friends, traveling, with my partner.. even being home alone, I would think of things to do to keep myself busy. I’m a happy person by nature and an extrovert. My health anxiety didn’t stand a chance.
But the lockdown and travel restrictions changed all that. All of a sudden, I had a lot of time with my thoughts. And that’s when I felt it slowly coming back. First, it was a suspicious mole that I escalated through my health insurance and got it removed. Then, I wasn’t sure about another blemish on my skin that I’ve had for years, so I consulted my cousin who’s a dermatologist. After that, I started thinking about different types of cancers, I guess my brain needed some diversity. You get the picture — it wasn’t fun being inside of my head.
It wasn’t fun living with me either. I kept questioning my partner if he thinks there’s something wrong with <fill in the blanks with a part of my body>. I even got myself a book with sparkling reviews on how to deal with health anxiety, but after reading the introduction entitled “Chris thought he had cancer”, I just closed it. It’s been living on the shelf ever since.
What actually helped me (not to be confused with medical advice)
It would be arrogant to say that I’ve sorted it out all on my own. It would also be a lie. There are still good days, bad days and really bad days, and I don’t think this will change as long as we live in the COVID restricted world.
A quick Google search will confirm what you’re already thinking — CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is the best choice. However, during the pandemic, finding a therapist was a difficult task. I tried online sessions, but it just wasn’t the right fit for me. It was a box I ticked once a week. I even reached out to a therapist who specializes in health anxiety, but he wasn’t accepting new patients.
So, I decided to try something on my own. Here is the list of things that helped me:
On good days:
- Journaling. I try to write down at least 5 things I’m grateful for and highlight all the good things that happened in the past day. It takes 5 minutes. I always add that I’m grateful for being healthy.
- Yoga. There are a lot of online videos. If it’s not something you do, just look up a short beginner’s video on YouTube — you’ll find plenty of those. Stick with it and you’ll notice the difference in a week or so.
- Walks. A short walk with some salsa music does wonders for me.
- Writing. I’ve started recently, and it seems to work well. I have a deal with myself to write one article/month and publish on Medium or LinkedIn (depending on the topic).
- Reading. Preferably fiction, but I sometimes give a good self-improvement book a chance too!
- Meditation. This is reserved for really good days because it doesn’t come easily. For this, I use an app.
On bad days:
- Acknowledge it’s a bad day. Everyone has the right to bad days. These are the days when I wake up with simultaneous worries about my own health, my partner’s health, my parents’ health and my brother’s health. My brain also works super hard to remember all the saddest stories it heard. So, I try to be good to myself.
- Pick one thing from the ‘good day’ list. Maybe it’s just a 15-minute walk. Maybe it’s reading just one chapter of a book. Maybe it’s one downward-facing dog. Doing one thing makes me feel 100% better.
- Do something you really enjoy. For me, it’s making popcorn and watching a cheesy film.
- Take a long shower and go to bed on time. I also remember to always tell myself: You’re okay today. You can’t be sure what will happen tomorrow or in two years, but right now, you’re okay.
