Thoughts from a 30th birthday party (self-isolation edition)

Improvised cheesecake: getting ingredients for cake in April 2020 was a real mission (at least in the UK)

Yes, it’s cheesy, but turning 30 made me think about all the lessons I’ve learned so far. The pandemic helped, because it gave me all the time in the world for this reflection, without having to worry about throwing a party.

Looking back, it’s crystal clear what was right and what was wrong. I’ve lived in three different countries, changed 9 flats, met countless people from all sides of the world, traveled, danced, partied, worked and studied hard. I’ve also made mistakes, had my heart broken, lost friends, made wrong choices and failed many times. But despite all of that, I’ve been so lucky to celebrate my 30th birthday with a person I endlessly love, in a beautiful house we get to call our home (for now at least), while building a career that makes me proud, healthy and with enough savings in case of some rainy days.

But in a traditional (and as introduced — cheesy) fashion, here are the most important things I learned in these first 30 years on Earth.

On life

1. Have a hobby that is just for you (and no, it doesn’t have to bring you any money).
2. Stand up for yourself (but don’t be stupid).
3. You can sleep past 6 am (and still be successful).
4. Habits are so important (good ones, of course).
5. You can be whoever you want to be (but you have to choose).
6. Be grateful (it does attract more of what you want).
7. Read books (especially if you don’t have the time and don’t feel like it).
8. Think about your future, but don’t overthink it (I can’t stress this enough: plans change, sometimes without consulting you).
9. Save up money, you will need it (but don’t care about it too much).
10. If you’re not happy with yourself, understand why (don’t be afraid to dig).

On friends and lovers

1. People deserve a second chance (but not third).
2. One night stands are one night stands (they usually don’t turn into anything more).
3. Love without fear (there’s no better feeling).
4. Do everything you can for the people you love (they usually deserve even more).
5. Having a partner does not define you (my 18-year old self would be surprised).
6. Don’t lose friends over lovers (this is just plain stupid and one of my biggest regrets).
7. On that note: try not to lose yourself either when you find that special someone (it’s surprisingly common).
8. You don’t have time for hundreds of friends (try having three good ones instead).
9. You don’t have to tell your friends and lovers everything (mystery is fun).
10. Don’t forget to take photos and videos (but remember that the best memories are often not recorded).

On work

1. It’s okay if work is boring sometimes (but it must be fun at least 30% of the time).
2. Don’t be too loyal to a company (it usually doesn’t pay extra)…
3. … but be loyal to yourself (find the time to define your own mission and vision).
4. Work hard, even when you don’t feel like it (especially then). It pays off eventually.
5. You become what you surround yourself with (so make sure to build a good network, full of interesting people).
6. Nothing is set in stone — you can change jobs (you can also change industries, even careers).
7. Learn how to brag about your achievements (they will be unnoticed if you don’t).
8. Know your worth and negotiate as much as you can (but don’t be unreasonable).
9. Be nice to people you work with (but let me warn you: not everyone will like you).
10. Learn how to say no to unnecessary meetings (it’s more difficult than you think).

I can’t say that I wish my 13-year old self could see this list, because she wouldn’t understand. She’s low on confidence and probably has the impostor syndrome already, but doesn’t know it. She would not trust this list. So here’s the last one for her:

We all have a lot of learning to do. Understanding life takes time (you’re doing great).